Why??

Why??


Why do brothers fight one another?

Why do sisters hate each other?

Why do mothers curse their OWN daughters?

Who do friends backstab and quarrel with one another?

Why do WE look at our fellow brothers and sisters with disdain and jealousy?

Why do we say " Hey, you look great today! " when we didn't mean a single word?

Why do we kill each other with cold-hearted and harsh words ?

Why? Why? Why?

On a larger scale.....

Why do we not pray for our neighbouring countries when catastrophe strikes them so hard that living didn't mean a thing anymore?

Why do we fight against our own people because of circumstances we cannot change?

Why can't we look at our brother in the eye and say three simple words of " I forgive you " ?

WHY???? Because..............

confidence?

Have you ever said the wrong things at the wrong time?Embarrassed yourself in front of the wrong person and all you wanted to do at that time was sink into that cold marble floor beneath you? Well, I say this with all the confidence and pride that I HAVE. A MILLION TIMES. You have no idea how many times I have said to the ground "swallow me up, swalllow me up, NOW!!" just because I had uttered the wrong thing.

The fact is, we are fully human AND HUMAN BEINGS MAKE MISTAKES, the normal humans, i mean(dolphins do not count).It doesn't help when you are with your crush and nervousness makes you blab out the worst thing you could ever say.

When I was younger, mistakes like these would make me feel shy and scared of speaking my mind out.I would rather shut up and listen just to avoid people laughing at me. I soon grew out of that and had that SO-WHAT-IF-I-SAID-THE-WRONG-THING attitude or the I-DON'T-CARE attitude.DON'T GET ME WRONG, I mean this in a very good way. Now I just laugh it off when people tease me. Getting all uptight and worked up would only make me feel worse,I realised.

I will not,WILL NOT share with with you what just happened yesterday-Friday. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE HUMILIATION. But i just laughed it off. Because of that, i sort of managed to cut the tragic humiliation down by 50%.woopidoo!!

I am happy, single and confident!(at least that is what I think, the confident part, I mean)
Mode: STONER mode. WORK is piling up.And I do not know where to start
College rawks. Just had icebreakers yesterday with our seniors. Friendly bunch I'd say.

Sayonara.....Chai Chien...:)

College

The week has flown by. The first week of college is over.
I am so excited. Everything I see, hear and learn from college is all such a new experience for me.I lurvvveee it.

My seniors tell me that I will get to know everyone in college by next week. LOL. I am in a very small college.Just one brown building with five floors.YUP...YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!!.IT'S ONE FIVE-STOREY BUILDING!!HOWEVER....

...inside the four walls of this building are the greatest,accomplished and gifted musicians who are adept and proficient in every single area of music.
YEP..i AM exaggerating a bit..one teeny weeny bit...LOL

There are great musicians and just so talented. I was awestruck when I saw a classmate of mine playing the guitar with such skill and passion, and all effortlessly. Oh the jealousy!!!!!

State: Still jealous(in a good way)

I neeeedd a metronaum....

Petrol is a killer. I hate it.

Leaving for Leaders' retreat tomorrow morning at 9.30.I just cannot wait!!.

A mother's heart

A Mother's Heart

I'm so sorry, girls. I have no choice.I know it's hard and painful but it hurts me even more.Circumstances make me this way. I don't expect you to understand what I am going through now but this I promise you. I will never forsake nor leave you . You will never feel unloved nor unwanted. I will give my best, my all to raise you up to be the best you can be. I can't give you much but my love, my everlasting abundant love. You may never taste luxurious living but take my word, you will have enough. Your tiny stomachs will never go hungry and your skinny limbs never cold. Your tiny hands will always feel the warmth of my palms, because I will never let you go, not once.Your petite-sized bodies will never grow dry of hugs because I will always be there with arms wide open to embrace you. And finally, your lovely-shaped little ears will always always hear the words, " I love you". I do. I never stopped loving you.

When God put you in my womb, I knew of the great life ahead. One full of never ending joy and delight. You brought me overflowing joy through all the pain and always carved that special smile on my face when tears trickled down.

I miss you both. Will see you when I return. It will not be that soon but it is for sure. I hope to see two beautiful ,successful ,young women when I return. Let's just continue holding on.

Beloved mum

I stared wide-eyed as tears filled my eyes. I was helpless and weak. I could do nothing to lighten her burden. Since when did I become so vulnerable and defenseless. I wish I could kiss away every tear, every worry , every painful moment. I wish.
I admired her courageous and unyielding heart. She never gave up not even for a bit. Despite the brokenness and all the pain, never once did she slack in her role and responsibility. She never allowed herself to be controlled nor be taken in by her never ending problems. And that is why I love her so much.
I held her hand firmly as she walked in and out of busy, hectic offices, dragging me along patiently. On her other hand, she held a humungous bag , woven out of fabric very much like plastic packed with clothes that were for sale.Shameful,you may say, but I say,honourable and admirable. She walked up to every lady present, hoping that she would buy something. And that would make her day.
This was 10 years ago.


As my sister and I clutched her sweaty palms on that odorous, foul-smelling bus, I saw by the determination on her face that all she wanted was for us to be by her side, safe and secured.Hung over her arm was a large bag with 24 books inside. To her,taking us to the library every 3 weeks was necessary and needful. She believed that reading was an important habit to inculcate in us.
This was 12 years ago.


At 20 now, I look back only to realize and understand the love my mother had for me and my sister. Why did we argue and rebel?All she did was love us. If only I had said "I love you" ten times more than I did before. If only. All I have now is the telephone (and 10,000 miles (I think) between us )to say " I love you" every single day. It's a shame that I couldn't even say "I love you" to her face. If I could do things differently, I would. I cannot change the past but I can change the future. And this time, it will be different.

Mum..I love you!!!!!!!

first day of coll

FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE!!
WEEEEeeeEE....

It was definitely exciting, espcially when I was stuck in the jam for one and a half hours. And then, the part where I had to wait for two hours doing nothing because I had to wait for my English Placement Test. Yeah it was definitely very exciting....YAY.... NOT!!!!!

Things definitely got better as I knew more people. Check this out... There were ten people who came yesterday and two of them were americans, one Iranian, and two from Jakarta, two from Penang and I cannot rememebr the rest. Yeah, so we had lunch together for two hours and talked about things, ourselves and MUSIC..DUH..!!!?!!

And today. The 3rd day.
I had my placement audition. I must say it went quite well. I was kind of intimidated. Everyone there is good. I mean good GOOD....But it went well....:)

Others:

Petrol is killing me.
I can't wait to start classes(This whole week is our orientation week)

MUM IS DOING GREAT.i MISS HER so so much.

the BANKS just can't stop calling me.Sick of it..

the Lord has been good to me

The Lord has been soooOOOOOooo good to me.
In the past week, I was tested with an ordeal, one that I could not handle on my own. I went through sleepless nights worrying about what i had to do and the consequences that would come if I made the wrong move.
I was desperate and prayed for God's favour upon me, that He would pull me through this situation.
Two days ago, I realized that my problem was just gradually getting less severe. In the midst of this,a miracle,as some people would say, a coincidence, occured. God provided the exact thing I needed and in the exact amount. It, to me, was not a coincidence but God's hand over the matter.

I praise God for what had happened and how He had pulled me through.


All you need to have is just a little faith.:)


Verse of the day:

Numbers 6:24-26
The Lord bless you and keep you, He makes His face shine upon you....He turns His face toward you to give you peace.